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與思樂醫為友
林文香
(
2004-01-09 14:14:56
)
狼瘡腎炎宣判的時後，擊垮了我對未來的憧憬。
日子在哭泣、哀傷中度過，生命似乎沒有了明天。在那一段不算短的時間中，我把自己囚禁在抑鬱的世界中，過著如鴕鳥一般的生活。然而在張老師的培訓課程中，我有了不一樣的想法。「我的一生就這樣下去嗎？不！我不甘心就這樣被擊倒，那我該怎麼辦？」經過一連串的自我質問，我理出了頭緒，也找到了方向。
我決定就從認識思樂醫開始！於是我開始廣泛地收集資料，凡與思樂醫有關的，全都借來嬝炕C漸漸的，我了解思樂醫是一種慢性病，但只要與醫師配合用藥追蹤，便可以緩解，而不致影響到生活。更從病友雜誌中，知道很多病人也都正常生活著。因此我對思樂醫的害怕減少了，對如何照顧自己也有了概念。接下來，自然開始了新的生活計畫。
由於體力極差，要維持一份固定且不算輕鬆的工作，生活就必須做大幅度的修正。絕對不帶公事回家，不熬夜不應酬，中午小睡片刻，避免造成精神不濟的狀況。休閒生活的改變，更讓我像變了一個人似的，出門是相當不愉快的經驗，等車塞車，加上汙濁的空氣，總是把自己搞的體力不支，最後，能不出門就不出門。不過足不出戶也是另一種捨與得，生活簡單，平靜又悠閒。
但是獨來獨往與必要的拒絕，總會引起旁人的私語：這人真怪！只是我清楚的知道，我是認真的在克服思樂醫，為了與思樂醫和平相處，這樣的調整是必要的。放棄口腹之欲是困難的，為了配合低鹽低蛋白的食物，我必須放棄美食，我也不斷的告訴自己，品嚐菜餚的原味是一種享受，而仔細咀嚼，會是甜美的。同時我厲行不吃外食，婉拒應酬，就這樣養成淡食的習慣。
生活的調整並不能改變病程，但可以減少危機，同時也讓我找到信心。因為病況進展的相當不錯，所以藥物逐漸減量，副作用逐漸消失，體力也慢慢恢復了。當我意識到體力恢復，已是病後的兩年半，多麼平常的一個感覺，但努力了兩年半才得到。為了珍惜這樣的付出與成果，我不敢掉以輕心，繼續的追蹤病情。
回首來時路，從認識思樂醫，接納斯樂醫，到與思樂醫變成好朋友，這期間的變化，全歸之於自己肯面對自己的限制，捨得原有的享受，重新調整生活；忍得藥物的副作用與生活禁忌；記得定期服藥與追蹤。這是病後非常重要的末牷C
雖然辛苦，但走這艱苦的一程，何嘗不是對自己又一次的挑戰與試煉？在失落之後，再次體會生命的意義，並且戰勝自己，這又是何等的恩寵！
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